Pondering Martin Niemoller

I've tried and failed and now I"m trying again to live this mantra.

I'm going through an emotionally tumultuous time.

I've been housebound for a month with only short trips outside of the house for necessities or work and a couple of social obligations I probably should have skipped due to the illness surrounding my family. 

My only window to the outside world has been FB, fractured and moldy though that window may be.

My family's illnesses (see previous post) which included both the Flu and Chicken Pox arrived during a time of mass hysteria over an ineffective Flu vaccine and a measles outbreak in California. FB was lit up with humanity showing its worst traits. Ignorance, Paranoia, & Cruelty.

I am not writing this blog post in the hopes that someone will read it and change their mind. I am not writing this blog post in the hopes that one of my family members or friends will read it and begin to understand why I was so upset. I honestly have no hope of either of those things happening and that saddens me even more.

I am still formulating my thoughts on this whole episode but there are so many I want to begin chronicling them or else I will forget - as I often do - when the hurt goes away because I don't like to hold on to wounds. 

So let me start with as brief a synopsis as I can of the past 9 years.

We had children . We didn't vaccinate them. <cue angry mob>

My son just asked if this was a picture of zombies.
Out of the mouths of babes...

At first our thinking was: This bears further research. Given where we lived and what our lifestyle was like (i.e.: no daycare, no travel outside the country) there was a far greater risk of a vaccine reaction than of actually coming in to contact with any vaccine preventable diseases. We agreed to become more educated and re-evaluate when it was time for school when that balance would, we thought, shift.

As the years went by I became increasingly educated in birth, birth culture from around the world and just how seriously awful our medical "care" is for pregnant and birthing women. Also, faced with my own health problems caused largely in part by a lifetime of bad medical advice, I'd seen many many doctors spanning several specializations and each one was a bigger asshole/moron than the one before. I'd learned that doctors are just people. Some are good, some are not. A medical degree means only that they were able to get through medical school by memorizing a bunch of things someone else discovered and regurgitating them back. I'd learned that because my health issues did not neatly fit into one of their previously memorized courses of treatment - they couldn't help me. I'd learned to become my own doctor. These experiences called ALL of modern western medicine into question. How could I be expected to trust our health to a morally bankrupt system which perpetuates the myth that they are infallible when I knew it was wrought with misinformation and willful ignorance?

At this point...

• I know vaccines do prevent some deadly diseases but they also cause chronic illnesses related to a lack of autoimmune response at a far greater rate than the chance that my children would be exposed to said deadly diseases. Look it up yourself. 
• I've been told that vaccines in the US do not cause autism. Amazing really that only american children are safe from such a thing (google Valentino Bocca). How lucky we are. (that was sarcasm) But all vaccines can cause encephalitis and encephalitis causes autism. so... yeah. 
• I know that the barrier protecting the brain is not fully formed at birth or in childhood therefore the same substances which would not cause harm to an adult brain can cause harm to a child's so we would avoid a lot of this if we would just wait until kids were older. 
• As the list of vaccines grows longer and the rules become stricter states like NY which force parents to choose between all or nothing will have a higher rate of unvaccinated kids. 
• we view this not as a choice. Our hand has been forced. If given the "choice" between all or nothing and with the mountains of evidence that we have at our fingertips informing us without room for argument or doubt that OUR children have an astronomically higher chance of suffering some form of vaccine reaction than they do of contracting (not dying from, just even catching it) the disease for which the vaccine is being given - we will not be vaccinating. 

Doctors

Its not difficult to be your own doctor now that we have the internet. I am sure doctors cringe at my saying that but I have access to the same medical studies and journals they do. I have access to medical dictionaries to teach me the terms I don't understand - just like they do. What makes me a better "doctor" for my family is that I actually care about them. I take more than a rushed 10 minute (billable for $400) visit to diagnose them. I know what works for them and what doesn't because I look at the whole person. I have an open mind and will do whatever I can to help us be healthy. I am not limited by my own knowledge and experience as I have found nearly all doctors to be. 

Are there good doctors out there? Yes! Are doctors helpful to a lot of people - yes! Absolutely. And if doctors have saved your life or vastly improved it then I applaud them and you and the fact that you have a situation they have the answer to. If I needed a lung transplant I would like a doctor to perform it. That is what they specialize in. Slicing into the human body. They pretty much suck at everything else. I don't understand why so many misanthropes become doctors and nurses. Did you hate people before you went to medical school or have the years of actually having to help people before the checks clear from the insurance company turn you into the cold callous clueless "care" provider you are today?

If doctors AND EVERYONE ELSE FOR THAT MATTER really wanted to make changes they would lobby the vaccine manufacturers to discontinue bundling the vaccines. That way parents could gradually do one vaccine at a time which is safer. They would also reverse the direction the lawmakers are going making vaccines selectable instead of all or nothing. Removing exemptions forces parents to have to get a medical exemption (nearly impossible) or making a religious exemption. Your religion cannot be for some vaccines and not others. Therefore it is an all or nothing deal.

Why I listen to other parents and you should listen to me

I read, I read, and I read some more. The more educated I became the more insane vaccines sounded. The more I learned about other people's sad tales, the drug company funded studies, the lawsuits in other countries where the manufacturers can be held liable for destroying lives the more I erred on the side of caution. Caution = no vaccines. 

Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain

I've read books by doctors on both sides of the "debate".  I've read countless articles, studies, lawsuits, and yes I have even read some very well researched blog posts. "Blog posts don't count!" they say, pitchforks raised high. "Any idiot can write a blog post!" Yes, many idiots do. Do you know why these blog posts count? Because they are written by other parents like me who have been forced to become their family's doctor because doctors have failed them. They are written by the parents of vaccine damaged children. They are written by the soldiers on the ground whose perspective on the war is more informed than the policy makers. If this were a militarized war, a "real" war, many of the same critics of the Pro-Information crowd would be arguing in defense of blog posts and articles written by the very people embroiled in the fight. They would be championing whistleblowers. They would be criminalizing the media, and government agencies who deceive and coerce us. But where vaccines are concerned those same citizens march in lock step with the very organizations they would normally hold suspect, and vilify the people shining a light on reason. Moreover, Pro Information parents are in the position of having to defend their positions. So their "blog posts" are cited and they link to the most surprising (NOT) places. The CDC, the WHO, NIH. They are merely reading the readily available science and data and informing people about it. How dare they!

Science

Vaccine Enthusiasts scream "SCIENCE" as though that one word will silence any opposition.   Science has become the new religion and anyone who questions its unimpeachable rightness is condemned. Torquemada is laughing in his grave.

The thing about science, the thing that differs from religion, is that science changes with new information. Science...excuse me... good science! admits it when it is wrong. Science seeks above all else to know the truth. It does not adhere to antiquated information just for the sake of looking like it always has the answers. 

SCIENCE is exactly what I'm looking at. It is what I am reading. MATHEMATICS is what I use to determine the risk to my children and the public. It is what I use to make my extremely well researched and reasoned decisions. If you are such a proponent of SCIENCE you would be open to the possibility that you are wrong or at least being lied to. Absolutism is for religion. 

Being Pro Information is not being Anti Vaccine

You've perhaps noticed that I refer to people who do not want to inject their children with neurotoxins   "Pro Information". I do that for two reasons.

1. Anti-Vaxxer or any similar derivation was coined by the Pro Vaccine crowd. Most of us are not anti vaccines. We would love for vaccines to work, the way they are supposed to, with no negative side effects. I am not an anti-vaxxer. 
2. I want information. Truthful factual unbiased information and the right to make an informed decision for my family based on that information.

You've perhaps also noticed that I frequently refer to pro vaccine people as Vaccine Enthusiasts. Like a sports enthusiast, or an Elvis enthusiast. This I do because the majority of outspoken vaccine proponents can best be described in that way. They have an fanatical fervor for all things vaccine, an unquestioning devotion to the drug pushers, and a violent reaction to any dissenters. 

If I am supposedly a part of the "Anti-Vaccination" movement. (This is so totally not a movement. If you want proof that this is not at all a movement just click here. Friend speaks my mind). Then I feel it is my duty to call my "opposition" what they are: Vaccine Enthusiasts. Logo, Mascot, and franchising opportunities will be forthcoming.

You may be wondering how I"m going to point this lengthy blog post back in the direction of its title. Here goes...

Being Jewish-ish and the perspective it lends.

I was raised Jewish-ish. Jewish-ish is defined (by me alone) as being descended from Jewish people but growing up in a time, place, and family, where 99% of the religion and %100 of the spirituality is missing. We eat some traditional (going back a whole 3 hundreds years and only considered traditional to Jewish people who lived for a while in eastern Europe) foods and my grandmother waves her hands over some candles every Friday evening during which she prays to her ancestors to protect all of us. (But I"m the witch). Jewish-ish is being able to get all the Jew jokes on TV,  eating Chinese food on Christmas day, and "never forgetting" the holocaust but driving a German made status car. Jewish-ish is extremely hypocritical.

The thing is, no matter how not Jewish I and my children are we would still be carted away to Aushwitz. I come from a persecuted people. No matter the continent, no matter the age, Jews have persecution down to an art form.

So when I see day after day on FB a newsfeed glutted with angry, ignorant, flaw filled, posts condemning "Anti Vaxxers" for every human ill - I get a wee bit sensitive. When these things are being posted by friends and family (and i"m not talking about some girl I went to elementary school with I"m talking about people who I love. People I see regularly. People I entrust with the safety of my children!) shit got serious for me and fast.

It also may have become apparent that I refer to "we" throughout this post. That is because my husband made these decisions with me. I may be known for flying off the handle, or being a bitch, (or many other things women get saddled with when the same response in a man is considered forthright, or assertive) but my husband is not. I was angry with him for not backing me up publicly ANYWHERE, and for making his one or two small insertions into the debate in favor of the opposition. This amounted to "liking" a "anti-vaxxers are fucking retards" meme our friend posted and "liking" a comment made by a family member who is in favor of compulsory vaccinations.  

Liking things on FB?! you're upset with your husband for liking things on FB? Don't be THAT wife!

The point isn't that he "liked" those things. I was upset because he left me out on my own in the storm. I was upset because he didn't "like" a single thing I posted or commented on. He didn't stand up for us. He ignored the topic and shit storm entirely. Except for those two things. How does that look?

What I tried (and failed) to explain to him was that those memes, those people, the ones who say parents who don't vaccinate their children are stupid / assholes / should have their children taken away / should be put in jail / should be fined / should have their children taken and forcibly injected, THEY"RE TALKING ABOUT ME. About us.  My family is overbearing. His is silent. Our ways of dealing with things could not be more opposed.

I am used to forging my own path.  I am no stranger to taking the road less traveled be it the high road or low.  I do these things because after careful consideration I conclude that it is the best way. Not the easiest, cheapest, socially accepted way. I"m used to being "that guy" and I'm used to taking a certain amount of heat for it. I am used to speaking up. I am used to saying what other people are thinking. As a daughter of a continually persecuted people I can tell you with absolute certainty that YOUR SILENCE DOES NOT PROTECT YOU. 

My issue, my anger and upset is not really about vaccines. Though I definitely want full disclosure for all families I believe that what you choose to do with your children is your right. I simply want the same respect.  My real upset, the emotions that made me take a leave of absence from FB, the reason I am writing this post, began and grew with the increasing number of calls for mandated compulsory vaccination.

COMPULSORY: Mandated, required by law. Kind of like one of these...

This is in direct violation of civil and human rights.

My upset is nothing less than the overwhelming realization that people who I love and trust are "not" that guy. You would not shelter me and my children if the geshtapo came to the door. You are the angry mob. You would throw us under the bus for your own comfort let alone your own safety. 

I am reeling from the realization that people who claim to love my children would see them held down and pumped full of known toxins. Reeling to point of not speaking to you anymore. Because I can't walk around with that level of hypocrisy on my mind. To recite pleasantries and attend birthday parties and pretend that I don't know you are no better than the German citizens who closed their eyes to the atrocities or worse, supported them because their government and media told them who was to blame for all their woes. And by the way people. If you have not kept current with the government's suggested adult vaccine schedule then you completely lose your right to a voice in this conversation. If vaccines are so fucking important to you you should be out there getting stuck with every needle Big Pharma has to offer before you come knocking on my door trying to pass legislation requiring the forced vaccination of my children. If you truly believe in the efficacy of vaccines and truly believed that it is for the public good YOU should be out there first in line waiting for every damn shot. 

My upset is with the friends and family who were out of their minds with the righteousness of the oppressed when Mayor Bloomberg wanted to outlaw Big Gulps. Not that you couldn't buy 10 smaller drinks and drink them all at once but heaven forbid anyone be told that they cannot have that giant vat of diabetes all at once. I am angry with my friends and family who think that any law which prohibits them from walking into a mall or library armed for armageddon is an infringement on their constitutional rights. But I should have my kids injected with poison for the public good? How can they not see that the two things are equal?! How can you not see the rampant hypocrisy?! You can't, because it isn't convenient for you. You can't because you're blinded by ignorant fear. You can't because if you opened your eyes to see what you are so willfully ignoring you would have to admit that you fucked up.  That you believed the lies. That you poisoned your own children.

The only way you can feel better about your fuck up is to insist that everyone must agree with you. If everyone does it it must be right. Right?

Martin Niemoller's lasting words

So for days I heard the words of Martin Niemoller in my head. Words I'd heard repeatedly in Hebrew School where I was taught to do it this way because that is the way we do it (and read and write a language but not comprehend it. Can anyone say "latin mass"?) It was a lesson to learn. It is the lesson behind the popular phrase "Never Forget".  

The holocaust was not the first genocide nor was it the last. In fact there are a generation of children now who will grow up thinking "Never Forget" is from 9/11. Perhaps "Never Forget" was used even before WWII. You may think I"m crazy drawing a comparison between the holocaust and compulsory vaccine laws but sadly I am not. Because if they can pass a law requiring everyone to be injected with poison they can do pretty much anything. And they've got you so scared you'll sign over every right... every freedom.

I am upset because though I think 16oz of soda at once is a perfectly reasonable portion size, I would never tell someone else how much they can drink. Even though you getting diabetes WILL cost me money for your healthcare. And though I want to rip every last cigarette from your fingers and never have to smell that garbage again or see one more butt get thrown out a car window I will defend your right to poison yourself because it is your right to do with your body what you want. And though I want to choke the 2nd amendment crazies with copies of the constitution I wouldn't because as patriotic as they THINK they are I am MORE of a patriot. Words I never thought I'd associate myself with. Because I will defend your right to have your own private little arsenal. Because this is America. Land of the free right? So you better fucking defend my family's right to bodily integrity. To health. Because next it could be you.

First they came for the Anti-Vaxxers, and you didn't say anything.