The Bus Stop

Just made the mistake of trying to get home during "school bus drop off hour". 

Our community is like a comb with one main road and lots of short dead end streets coming off of it and a few on the other side as well. There is very little traffic. Even the main road is so narrow that vehicles need to take turns to pass each other. The bus stopped at EVERY FRIGGIN BLOCK. Not only does it seem that modern children are deemed incapable of making it the few hundred feet from the bus to their houses without being kidnapped (or eaten by a wolf which is statistically comparable) but their parents are waiting for them at the corner, many IN THEIR CARS! It is above 50 degrees out and beautiful! What are you teaching your children when you can't trust them to walk less than the length of a football field down their own block surrounded by their neighbors in broad daylight? If M were going to school and getting dropped off with the other kids I would absolutely expect her to walk home by herself (and these kids are older than her) and I KNOW I would suffer the judgement and ire of my neighbors as though I am a "neglectful" parent when really I equate what they are doing with abuse. 

I remember waiting for the bus in the morning. Their were two stops for an 8 block or so radius and even that was considered codling. It moved from year to year depending on where the bulk of the students lived. No one AND I MEAN NO ONE's parents waited with them past kindergarten. That would have been the ultimate in embarrassment. Walking to the bus stop was how I learned about my immediate neighborhood and met a lot of my neighbors. I got to hang out with kids in different grades. No one panicked if I hung out there for twenty minutes to chat, have a snowball fight, or do cartwheels in the street, and dawdled home. Another simple thing that is GONE. replaced with the ILLUSION of safety. But in this one example effecting millions of children every day what has been lost?

Robbing your children of any sense of independence and self sufficiency and then wondering why they can't get their shit together when they emerge from college: the new American parenting standard.

Way to go America.

Attachment Parenting or Attached Parents.

I am so completely over the AP movement. Why is it even a movement? The basic tenets set forth in it’s bylaws are simple. Don’t be a dick to your baby. This is all well and good as babies are well -  BABIES. There is no manipulation, no agenda, there is only need. Need for shelter and nourishment and love. But as your baby becomes a toddler and then a child they need more and though AP may advise it’s parents to adjust their methods of parenting based on the child’s age that is NOT what happens in reality. Mostly what happens is this.

The parent chooses to continue adhering strictly to AP principles not because it is what their child needs but because it is what THEY need. They view all other methods of parenting as adultist if not straight out abusive and constantly opine about not living up to impossible standards. They post ad nauseum on blogs forums and facebook reinforcing and validating each other’s extremely overbearing, narcissistic, neurotic, opinions of how any parent not raising their children in the bubble they are is a bad parent.

They talk about how changing the world starts at home and raising children with respect  with the ultimate outcome that the child will go out into the world with love and respect but in reality most of the children I know who are totally disrespectful, out of control, narcissistic, manipulative, little FUCKS are being raised by extremely well intentioned mothers who treat their darling angels like they’re perfect and made of glass. They refuse to change tack when what they’re doing obviously isn’t working for their kid. How about teaching your child responsibility. Responsibility for their actions. That is something COMPLETELY LACKING in most of the AP kids I know. Stop confusing authoritative with authoritarian! Being a parental jellyfish is worse for your child than being a dictator.

The only AP kids I know who are awesome are that way more because their natural personality works with the method NOT because the method is perfect or because their parents are “doing it right”.  Those parents got lucky that they got the right “method” for their kid. The rest are trying desperately to force a method of parenting that they would have liked to have been raised with onto children who need something else. Something more.

Some of these kids are crying out begging for structure, rules, repercussions and dare I say it PUNISHMENT!  Action = reaction. Cause = Effect. Any way you want to slice it it is sorely lacking amongst AP families.

You can nourish with love, you can speak respectfully, you can set boundaries but all of that means nothing if you do nothing more to follow through on it than TALK ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS.

I ask politely, I ask again, I demand, and then I get angry. There are repercussions in my home for actions (or inactions). My children are not frightened of me. My children love me. Children need PARENTS. NOT camp counselors! I am frightened for my future when your children are in charge of the world. Full grown adults still looking to hide behind their mother’s skirts and suckle when the big wide world gets too scary and look to mommy to make all their decisions while simultaneously being the bullies who find supposed injury where none was intended. People who think they can get away with anything, talk their way around anyone, and feel entitled to chance after chance after chance with no repercussions and a complete lack of sincerity in their apologies A generation incapable of taking responsibility for their lives, their actions, or the effect they have on others. I’m so glad you can brag on your FB posts about never raising your voice and singing songs about not hitting friends while your child completely ignores you - yes he is completely ignoring you. Well done ladies, well done. I can see the utopia from here.

New and Disturbing Evolutionary Trend: Children Are Now Made of Porcelain

Today we took M & T to a nearby skating rink. It was their first time. T declared himself King of the "bench" and would only go close enough to the ice to test it's slipperiness with one skated foot.

This was a small outdoor rink on a mild wintery day (low 40s) which was probably the last day of the winter holiday break for many people and though picturesque - was probably NOT the best place to ease our children into their first experience on skates. I took M out onto the ice and after a while she got the hang of it and I had enough resources leftover (after managing the pains in my calves, hips, and back from supporting her around the rink) to notice the 100+ other people on the ice.

What I saw was a lot of other parents with kids, and a lot of these kids were wearing helmets. Yes, helmets. - and enough padding in the form of ski-pants to survive a head on collision with a linebacker unscathed. I also noticed a lot of these kids were bigger than M and was really glad I was supporting the weight of a 5 year old and NOT a middle schooler.

Now, M was afraid to fall. I remember being a late bloomer to skating myself and was still hugging the wall when my friends would go skating by me. I took a couple of lessons and could then out-skate them all but the thing that had the biggest impact on me from those 5 or 6 lessons was what the teacher said on the first day when she had us lined up perilously far from the wall. She asked us "what is the worst thing that could happen?" "I slip and fall down" was the general answer to which she said "so what!" And she was totally right. M is 42lbs or so, she is also under 4ft tall. That is not far to fall. She is not traveling at great speed in fact any speed at all would have been something to rejoice over. She is wearing a sweater, a coat, a knitted wool hat, and snow gloves which was more than enough. Also, I am right next to/behind her. So I ask you all....Helmets? Really?

What do these parents think their precious little darlings are going to encounter as they inch their way around the ice that requires riot gear?!?

Today there were lots of people falling down. As I said the rink was small, it was packed, and there were lots of gouges and tons of snow kicked up from fifty 12 yr old boys showing off their "hockey stops".  Whenever I saw people go down I pointed it out to M and showed her how they were laughing. After a while she wasn't so scared and every time she slipped and I caught her she was laughing too. I gave myself a little pat on the back for being the Mom I always want to be.

Then M said she wanted to come back a lot but that if she was going to do that she needed a helmet.

oye!