I am so completely over the AP movement. Why is it even a movement? The basic tenets set forth in it’s bylaws are simple. Don’t be a dick to your baby. This is all well and good as babies are well - BABIES. There is no manipulation, no agenda, there is only need. Need for shelter and nourishment and love. But as your baby becomes a toddler and then a child they need more and though AP may advise it’s parents to adjust their methods of parenting based on the child’s age that is NOT what happens in reality. Mostly what happens is this.
The parent chooses to continue adhering strictly to AP principles not because it is what their child needs but because it is what THEY need. They view all other methods of parenting as adultist if not straight out abusive and constantly opine about not living up to impossible standards. They post ad nauseum on blogs forums and facebook reinforcing and validating each other’s extremely overbearing, narcissistic, neurotic, opinions of how any parent not raising their children in the bubble they are is a bad parent.
They talk about how changing the world starts at home and raising children with respect with the ultimate outcome that the child will go out into the world with love and respect but in reality most of the children I know who are totally disrespectful, out of control, narcissistic, manipulative, little FUCKS are being raised by extremely well intentioned mothers who treat their darling angels like they’re perfect and made of glass. They refuse to change tack when what they’re doing obviously isn’t working for their kid. How about teaching your child responsibility. Responsibility for their actions. That is something COMPLETELY LACKING in most of the AP kids I know. Stop confusing authoritative with authoritarian! Being a parental jellyfish is worse for your child than being a dictator.
The only AP kids I know who are awesome are that way more because their natural personality works with the method NOT because the method is perfect or because their parents are “doing it right”. Those parents got lucky that they got the right “method” for their kid. The rest are trying desperately to force a method of parenting that they would have liked to have been raised with onto children who need something else. Something more.
Some of these kids are crying out begging for structure, rules, repercussions and dare I say it PUNISHMENT! Action = reaction. Cause = Effect. Any way you want to slice it it is sorely lacking amongst AP families.
You can nourish with love, you can speak respectfully, you can set boundaries but all of that means nothing if you do nothing more to follow through on it than TALK ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS.
I ask politely, I ask again, I demand, and then I get angry. There are repercussions in my home for actions (or inactions). My children are not frightened of me. My children love me. Children need PARENTS. NOT camp counselors! I am frightened for my future when your children are in charge of the world. Full grown adults still looking to hide behind their mother’s skirts and suckle when the big wide world gets too scary and look to mommy to make all their decisions while simultaneously being the bullies who find supposed injury where none was intended. People who think they can get away with anything, talk their way around anyone, and feel entitled to chance after chance after chance with no repercussions and a complete lack of sincerity in their apologies A generation incapable of taking responsibility for their lives, their actions, or the effect they have on others. I’m so glad you can brag on your FB posts about never raising your voice and singing songs about not hitting friends while your child completely ignores you - yes he is completely ignoring you. Well done ladies, well done. I can see the utopia from here.
