So I'm coming out of the closet

The mean bitchy mom closet.

SO I posted this 

to my FB today.

TO be honest I saw the "mediocre" moms thing after I clicked on it. I didn't pay much attention to it. I laughed. I passed on the funny to my FB universe.

I've watched a few others in the same vein. The "shit crunchy moms say". The "shit people say to breastfeeding moms". I never took offense to any of it. But I post this one and holy-hellfire-from-hypersensitive-moms. They jumped all over it taking offense and ruining what should have been a "funny" shared amongst likeminded friends.

What I want to say...

What I can't say....

But REEEEEEEEEAAALLY WANT TO SAY is

YES i do believe that my choices are better - If I didn't believe they were the best thing then I would have done something DIFFERENT. SO IF YOU ARE TAKING OFFENSE TO SOMETHING I HAVE DONE IT IS BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT OK WITH THE DECISIONS YOU HAVE MADE.

If you were confident in the choices you have made it wouldn't matter what anyone said or what stupid video they posted to FB!

end of conversation

So yeah.....none of that shit worked

Have not posted in a while. 

This is partly because I had nothing nice to say.

Partly because I am holding on to my emotions with a tight reign and if I started writing well....Hiroshima. 

So none of that fertility specialist stuff worked. 

8 months. 

6 rounds of Clomid. 

Ovidrel

IUI

$1000.00

no baby

Back where I started. Cycle Day 31. No sign of ovulation.

I started this new supplement called Inositol. It is just starting to be used as an alternative to Metformin in treating PCOS. It helps manage insulin/sugar/testosterone just without all that pesky constant debilitating nausea. You have to take a lot of it for it to be effective and the pill load was so high I had to cut out some of the herbs I was taking. So its the thyroid medication, the adrenal support, the inositol, the B complex (the inositol works better in conjunction with folic acid) and the DIM. Its been about 30 days since I started. The only change seems to be that my LH isn't surging once a week like it used to. Which is an improvement. The problem is it hasn't surged AT ALL. Doc says its still better than having too much.

Had a glucose and insulin tolerance test today. Empty stomach, both kids with me, 2+ hours of weakness and nausea from the disgusting shlock they make you drink. It was swell. Results Monday.

I am mostly angry.

I cry occasionally but mostly I just get angry. Everything, every little thing that goes wrong in a day just piles on and my natural inclination is to say "well of course. of course this horrible/upsetting/petty/ridiculous thing happened to me. Why wouldn't it? This is just what my lot in life is."

That kind of thinking happens on my bad days. I've had a lot of bad days in a row. Beginning to worry its my new norm.