So yeah.....none of that shit worked

Have not posted in a while. 

This is partly because I had nothing nice to say.

Partly because I am holding on to my emotions with a tight reign and if I started writing well....Hiroshima. 

So none of that fertility specialist stuff worked. 

8 months. 

6 rounds of Clomid. 

Ovidrel

IUI

$1000.00

no baby

Back where I started. Cycle Day 31. No sign of ovulation.

I started this new supplement called Inositol. It is just starting to be used as an alternative to Metformin in treating PCOS. It helps manage insulin/sugar/testosterone just without all that pesky constant debilitating nausea. You have to take a lot of it for it to be effective and the pill load was so high I had to cut out some of the herbs I was taking. So its the thyroid medication, the adrenal support, the inositol, the B complex (the inositol works better in conjunction with folic acid) and the DIM. Its been about 30 days since I started. The only change seems to be that my LH isn't surging once a week like it used to. Which is an improvement. The problem is it hasn't surged AT ALL. Doc says its still better than having too much.

Had a glucose and insulin tolerance test today. Empty stomach, both kids with me, 2+ hours of weakness and nausea from the disgusting shlock they make you drink. It was swell. Results Monday.

I am mostly angry.

I cry occasionally but mostly I just get angry. Everything, every little thing that goes wrong in a day just piles on and my natural inclination is to say "well of course. of course this horrible/upsetting/petty/ridiculous thing happened to me. Why wouldn't it? This is just what my lot in life is."

That kind of thinking happens on my bad days. I've had a lot of bad days in a row. Beginning to worry its my new norm.