Ow ow Ow ow Motherfucking Ow!

Dream Journal

Fucked up dreams again last night. I began cramping as soon as I went to bed but with a little help from MJ it just didn't seem to matter and I fell asleep anyway. The dream was another big one in a structure in which I only recognized some of the rooms. Friends from childhood but grown were sitting around a children's school table gossiping about other people and nonsensical things. Alyssa D., the girl who I thought of as being the leader of the "cool" girls when we were children was still at the helm. Still looking adorable and still dressed far better than I ever was/am. And there was water. Water like an ocean that was flooding into the building. As usual no one was listening. No one was as concerned as I was. Even though it had happened before and it was devastating no one seemed moved to get the hell out of the way, seek higher ground, build a raft. Just overwhelming agreement that I was the one over reacting. But how could they not see the water flooding into the rooms, the level rising slowly but steadily.

And then I was awakened....

By my children coming in of course. And then there was the pain and the silently begging my son not to climb on the bed and start jumping, my daughter not to start whining, and the universe to let me go back to sleep where it was troubling but didn't hurt like hell.

I went to bathroom with the certainty that my moon had come. There are things that have to be done today. There a two little people who need me, and a husband depending 
on me to be his partner and do my end of things. I want to lay in bed drunk and on pain killers while alternating between ipad, nap, and a book until sometime two days from now when the pain will cease. 

I know there are women who barely notice their moon. It does not inconvenience them at all. They go on with life as if little or nothing is happening. I am not and have never been one of those women. Though my current situation is improved from when I was a teenager and would cry and writhe on the floor of the bathroom wishing to god that I had been born a boy (and my mother either not knowing what to do for me or not believing me because she never had such problems) it still sucks. Now at least i can take drugs and i 
can drink wine. Had I the knowledge I have now and the luxury of laying about that I had 
then my Moon would feel like a highly sedated vacation.