So you 'd like to have a natural birth

<warning - In rereading this I realize that the beginning sound all lovely and supportive and positive. You should know that though the beginning is lovely and supportive and positive that that is just a setup to prove a point at the end>

So you'd like to have a natural birth.

Thats wonderful news.

No doubt you've heard that natural birth is healthier for you and your baby both in the short and long term. 

Why is natural birth better? 

It is birth as nature intended and nature intends for you to be in tip top shape when its all over so that you will then make - more babies! Natural birth is empowering. Natural birth allows the symphony of hormones to play their song. It creates the best possible bacterial environment to keep your baby safe from sickness when it comes mewling and helpless into the world. Natural birth is empowering. It provides you with an opportunity to go beyond limits, to push yourself, to succeed. Your first mamma-bear do-anything-for-your-child, do-the-best-thing-for-your-child, trial. 

So you know all of this stuff and now you begin planning your awesome fulfilling, safe, healthy, empowering, natural, birth....

by choosing an obstetrician.....?

you know, those people who specialize in obstetrical surgery techniques but know fuck all about birth.

and you choose a hospital...?

not the one with the lowest c-section rates, highest VBAC rates, lowest rates of augmented and induced labors no... you chose the hospital that is:

• closest to your house ....... even though first babies take hours. FUCKING HOURS ladies! and then more hours. Think 24 or so from the moment something in your brain clicks and you KNOW you're in labor. If its less consider yourself really fucking lucky (bitches better stop telling me war stories of their 14 hour labors. That is NOT a long labor. THAT was a gift!) and if its more my heart goes out to you I have felt your pain.
• has the nicest maternity suites...... because they have a lot of money. know why they have a lot of money? Because they perform a lot of unnecessary procedures so they can charge your insurance company. Pretty rooms are there to lure you in. They have absolutely nothing to do with the care you will receive and often are a sure sign that they care you will receive is exactly the kind you don't want. 
• has the highest rated NICU....  because worst first thinking is definitely the way to go when you're having a baby. Completely forget the fact that 99% of all healthy pregnancies end in normal healthy births. Got news for you ladies - Hospitals with big fancy NICUs have to make sure they are being used. They've got quotas to fill.

^^these are actual common reasons I am given^^

You want a natural birth so you turn to FB because.... wait what?! why the fuck are you polling for opinions on FB? Go and find fact based information for yourself. You obviously know how to use the internet. Be YOUR OWN advocate. Stop giving away your power!

I have been accused of being "negative" on birth related pages for providing factual, statistical, real information to women who would apparently prefer to have smoke blown up their hoo-hahs - which might actually happen at a hospital if you're not informed. Information is not positive or negative. How YOU feel about it is. If you are not informed then you are at risk. I wish it were not so. I wish ya'll could birth in a bubble of ignorance because guess what - those mammas birth quickly and beautifully. But you're not ignorant. You know stuff. You just know the wrong stuff. And its killing our birth culture. So, when I or someone else tells you something with ONLY the idea of helping you attain that which you most desire, something which may not be pretty but is a fact. Take the piece of information, learn what you can from it, if you don't need it, put it aside and don't think about it. 


Let me give you an example via metaphor to show you how silly your thinking is.

I am afraid of earthquakes.
I move to California
I build a house on stilts
I call anyone "negative" or worse who points out that California is earth quake central and houses on stilts are unsound.

now the reality

I want a VBAC
I decided to birth at Cesarean University Hospital
with Dr. Knife
I call anyone "negative" or worse who points out that I should rethink this plan.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!