Dear Pennsic, Fuck You!

Fuck you for being so beautiful that everyday life looks like the color has been washed out of it. The grass was actually greener. The sky bluer. The people more colorful and expressive in their choice of garb and experimental with their hair, jewelry, and makeup. The music was sweeter. The drums pulsed in time to my heartbeat. The fires were brighter. The jokes funnier. The drinks more intoxicating. 

Fuck you for being so exhausting that I have never come home from a vacation so relaxed before. Seriously though -  heat and I don't play well together. "This is not the weather of my people" was muttered multiple times and yet there I was: Sticky, sweaty, moderately 

My people hail from Siberia and carry portable sunshades.

dehydrated from the previous nights alcohol, and still totally blissed out to be there.

Fuck you for introducing me to so many awesome people that I will miss them for another whole year. No really. Like - every single person I met was great. Ok, except that one dude....at the virgin sacrifice.....who couldn't take a joke. He wasn't so much fun but the other 12,000 people were pretty fucking great.

Fuck you for your fine and free flowing inebriates. My usual 4 o'clock glass of wine, drunk quickly in solitude over the kitchen sink in a last ditch attempt to keep from murdering my children, is lonely and flavorless in comparison with your delicious and often homemade brews and no, I still don't want to know what's in it or how it was made, REFILL PLEASE!

 Pappy's famous Moonshine. Guaranteed to put hair on your chest, make you forget the names of your children, and buy an $800.00 pair of boots from Son of Sandlar and think it was a steal!

Fuck you for helping me discover the answer to that annoying party question "if you had to eat one food for the rest of your life what would it be?" Because it is bacon. Cast iron cooked bacon. Crispy, crunchy, salty, fatty, bacon. Mmmmm....bacon.

I heart bacon

Fuck you for showing me so many things that I really really want to be and do because now I have more things I want to be and do and well...you didn't know me very well Pennsic. If you did you'd know that I was already trying to be and do a great many things which will now be shoved back a few places while I figure out how to construct a loom in my basement and shoot arrows in my yard without killing my neighbors.

Fuck you for ruining normal men for me forever. As if the bar wasn't high enough now all men must wear armor....all the time....because it is so damn sexy the thought of it does funny things to my lady parts. Seriously though, most of these guys would just be normal guys in normal clothes at their normal jobs in their normal lives but slap on some armor and let them wail on each other with some bamboo and I am reduced to incoherent babble. 

You can shazam me anytime sweetie.

Take a normal guy, add a little Pennsic, and shazamm! Jason Mamoa.











I think I'm going to need a moment after the Jason Mamoa google images page I just scrolled through.

ok,

<stay on target....STAY ON TARGET>

I"m good now. Where was I?

Oh, Fuck that fucking harpist. Nothing has ever awakened me at 7am with a fucking smile on my face. Ever. How dare you.

Bitch.

And while I'm on music Fuck the Drummers! The party drummers providing sensual beats for the belly dancers and fire dancers and shit faced partygoers. The war drummers making my heart race with their deep inexorable pounding. Those fucking whackos who chased us off the hill at 3am with their creepy drumming in the mists and fog. I can not stand still when there is drumming. My hips sway. My body moves. I'm not saying I'm any good at that part but damn! I want them to provide a soundtrack to my life. Washing dishes and navigating Long Island traffic would be way more exciting with drummers.

Fuck you Pennsic for being so full of activity that I kept forgetting my camera and have no documentation of anything outside the camp!

And finally Pennsic - Fuck you for allowing me the space to reinvent myself.....as me.  

Pennsic me is awesome! She does pretty much what she wants. She doesn't wait on people out of obligation. She doesn't have to pretend to be anything she isn't for the comfort of others. She eats what and when she wants. She doesn't swallow 2 dozen supplements a day in a vain effort to manage bodily dis-eases. She doesn't even seem to feel the effects of them. Hypothyroidism? Whats thats? She stays out late laughing and drinking, she walks miles with no pain and no complaining, she gets up early, with no hangover, and more surprisingly - stays up and doesn't nap! Her brain produces witty comebacks and dialogues which are actually available for use by her mouth DURING a conversation not hours later wondering why she couldn't think of that before. She doesn't really care what her hair looks like because it is matted to her head with sweat and there is nothing she can do about it. She doesn't care what her skin looks like because sweat and mascara are a recipe for disaster. She doesn't take offense. She seeks only fun. If fun isn't happening over here....she goes somewhere else and doesn't feel guilt about leaving. Actually she doesn't feel guilt at all.

That deserves its own paragraph.

Fuck you Pennsic for showing me that I can live without feeling guilty about my every move. That I can be decisive and not look back. That I can live in the moment and not wonder how it might be different had I made some other choice.

One night while stumbling happily home through the mud I realized that, miracle of miracles, - I was happy. This is no small thing. I was HAPPY! I wasn't even drunk! I felt free. I felt like the person I always want to be. The person life usually doesn't let me be. And I realized that that is probably the reason that all the people around me seemed so fucking awesome too. At Pennsic they weren't defined by their relationship to someone else - mother, father, husband, wife. They weren't defined by their occupation or their station. They weren't defined by how they look (sweaty and muddy) how old they are (young at heart) or where they are from (because its all made up). And yet we were never more honest. The SCA allows them to be who they really are. The mundane world is the play. The masque. The SCA is where they go to be themselves and be accepted for it. Freak flag flying proud. And it worked its magic on me too. I've often wondered who I would be without the "s" word hanging around my neck dragging me down to dark dismal depths. STRESS. Without it I'm pretty fucking great too.

Normal Me

Me at Pennsic. Yes I have wings... And Abs.

So the funny part is - I was only at Pennsic for 3 days. 3 FUCKING DAYS. All this awesome was compressed into 72 hours (minus the 10 or so combined hours I bothered to sleep). 

There was a great deal of lead in to this trip. Many years of many friends telling me how great it is and how much fun I was going to have. How many times in one's life can it be said that the real thing not only held up to peoples opinions but surpassed it? Not many.  So now I am faced with the sad truth. Pennsic was awesome. And now it is over for another 49 weeks. I have many new things I want to do and more SCA events I want to attend and new acquaintances who I want to turn into old friends and have to figure out how to make it happen without spending any money but I think it will work out somehow because miracles do happen - even to me. Oh - and I have to get my husband armor.

So FUCK YOU PENNSIC one last time. Because it was fantastic and I can't wait to fuck you again next year ;-)

and FYI It is a truth which should be universally acknowledged that pretty much anything is more fun if you do it in a tent. 

Penises and Assholes

The following is a Facebook post I wrote many months ago on a Facebook thread where a soon to be mother was asking questions about circumcision. It was written in response to a Jewish mother who was arguing in defense of circumcision or more specifically Brit Milah the name for the traditional Jewish ceremony (en-Jew-ification has a nice ring though don't ya think?) wherein newborn male babies are officially brought into the fold.... by sacrificing one of their folds.

all your foreskin belong to us

The Jewish mother was upset because another poster had responded calling circumcision mutilation and she was deeply offended on behalf of her faith and this sacred right of Brit Milah - or what people who don't hate babies, and men, and penises, and themselves call Male Genital Mutilation.

Before I get into it let me say that I know people who have, for one of the reasons I argue below or another, circumcised their sons and they live with the regret every day. You KNOW this is not for you. I love you and your children and I feel for you. I keep myself educated and continually put myself in the crosshairs of this argument because I don't want any other parent to feel what you are feeling. 

With every year that goes by and every new horrific study that comes out I become more militant in my desire to eradicate this sick twisted idea. I am less lenient, less understanding of other peoples viewpoints, less considerate of their feelings on this matter. BECAUSE THERE IS NO OTHER SIDE! You are either FOR cutting off baby parts or you are AGAINST it. You are either a protector of bodily integrity OR you're an asshole. There is no argument, no middle ground. The ONLY reason I would ever agree that cutting off a part of your body is a good idea is to save your life or drastically improve the quality of it. Think gangrene. Think diabetic necrosis. Or whatever the hell this guy had. 

So below is what I wrote to her. I have edited it with more current information and links and (I hope) funny things for the sake of this blog post. The reason I am turning it into a blog post is entirely selfish. It is because I am still confronted with this argument quite regularly and I am tired of typing the same things over and over. Now it will be in one handy link. 


So much to say....

I was going to apologize now for any course language I may use or any offense I may cause but I'm not going to because if you're offended then good. It means you have doubt about your actions and where there is doubt there is the chance that you could change your mind.  Someone taking offense to this is awesome. I will gladly take offense on behalf of your circumcised children. I have had this argument so many times I can't believe I am still having it. Like the 200th time you ask your child not to jump on the couch. And people continue to do it with the same carelessness of a child.  I just don't have it in me to even pretend to be polite toward people who defend circumcision anymore.

Add Don't I look like a good little
Jewish girl on the day of her bat mitzvah.
All decked out in her early 90's finery
and bad bangs in front of the ark.
with my prayer book. What you can't see
is the Witch's bible I hid underneath.

The Jewish Argument

I was raised Jewish and identify culturally as Jewish the way other people say they're Italian or Irish. As the birth of my son approached I did a great deal of research when faced with this decision not because I was conflicted but because I needed to be armed with knowledge to use in my defense to my family.

Circumcision is UNARGUABLY MUTILATION whether a sadistic (re: asshole) god commands it in an outdated book or not. If you did it to a girl, an adult, or an animal people would be horrified and laws would be passed to protect them and yet the tradition continues. In the detailed research I did which included talking with two rabbis as well as reading multiple translations (see bottom) of the portions of the texts which discuss it I learned several things. 

1) the words in the original covenant  indicate "nicking" the foreskin. NOT removing it. The goal was to release a droplet of blood as a sacrifice of sorts or as a rabbi from the middle ages claimed - to cause bodily pain. Welcome to the earth little one, you're a Jew, its time you start SUFFERING! Really feel it. Stew in it little asshole. Don't let it go. Carry it with you throughout the generations and pass it on to your children. Never forget the SUFFERING!

2) any child born of a Jewish woman is Jewish according to Jewish law. Nothing else is needed. If there was then females wouldn't be Jewish. End of story.

3) the laws disallowing any changes to ones body ie: the big taboo against tattoos... Because we were created in gods perfect image....so, no tattoos, no piercings, no hair dye or makeup, (tell that to the orthodox women wearing pancake batter on their faces and mops on their heads) but go ahead, take off a chunk off a newborn, he can't stop you. 

And why on the 8th day of life? Because there are specific blood factors that we don't have in high enough percentages to prevent hemorrhage until about the 8th day! So my birth junkies one could argue that the reason America is so obsessed with vitamin K shots at birth is to give the baby an extra boost so they can get circumcised before they leave the hospital. So the vitamin K producers and the company who make the circumcision equipment are in (a very very scary) bed together. Here is a handy graph. But wait what am I talking about. We do it on the 8th day because god said so. My bad.

As far as metaphysical or spiritual reasons saying to someone that they aren't as close to god as you are because they didn't have a part of their body removed is insane. Just reread those words again and think about it. (The woman I was responding to made the argument that circumcision brought her son closer to god). If the god of Abraham required that every newborn have their index finger removed would we be so quick to do it?! I think not. And this is no different. The change to a removal of the entire foreskin was decided by some conclave of rabbis that met several hundred years ago. You know, in the dark ages. So glad we kept all the awesome ideas they had back then. Let's bring back the rack!

Jews need to stop hiding behind their religion and screaming persecution every time someone questions circumcision. There is a reason it is so often questioned. There is NO reason to be doing it! It needs to be abandoned like stoning adulteresses, and keeping slaves. One of the reasons Judaism is declining is because it teaches blind following of tradition for tradition's sake. No one ever explains the WHY of anything. Just do it. Its what we do. Perhaps not for the orthodox or the chassids but for the majority of American Jews our religion is devoid of any actual spirituality. Modern people and modern spirituality don't just do things because that is the way it has always been done. When something is the best or the right thing to do it persists throughout time. When something is no longer the best or right thing to do it needs to be abandoned not clung to against all reason, all feeling, and all evidence to the contrary. If your religion cannot stand up to challenge or questioning then it doesn't deserve to be followed. Judaism has many wonderful  qualities that should be the focus of its teachings and traditions. Not this. Circumcision goes against the core of Judaism.

The "Look Like Daddy" and "It Looks Weird" Arguments

As far as the arguments for "looking like daddy" the numbers of circumcised infants are dropping so quickly that by the time your sons are old enough to care what their penises look like they will be in the minority if they're circumcised. So they will look like daddy but not like their peers. Does it look weird to me? YES, sure, because 95% of the males who are my peers are circumcised. So all the penises I"ve seen (hey, it hasnt been THAT many) are all circumcised. It is what I am used to, nothing more.  By the time our sons are in locker rooms or engaging in sexual acts their peers will be used to seeing it both ways and I hope dearly that in the not to distant future it will be the circumcised penises that look "weird".

 My husband is looking forward to the day when my son asks why he looks different than daddy and my husband can say "when I was a baby everyone did this until we realized it was wrong and cruel and I'm glad I knew better and didn't do it to you, your penis is perfect" 

Here is a fucking interactive map showing the decline of circumcision. Even here in NY where circumcision is still funded by medicaid and we have a large catholic population, because catholics still seem to think circumcision will stop masturbation, the circumcision rate is down to %58 as of 3 years ago and falling. The national average was 33% in 2009!

The "Protection Against Disease" Argument

I am not a doctor so listen to all of these people...

http://www.doctorsopposingcircumcision.org/info/HIVStatement.html

http://www.nocirc.org/2008-07_Mothering-Fauntleroy.pdf

Video telling exactly why our quest to circumcise all of Africa is BACKFIRING  and causing more disease.

There is a whole website for doctors opposing circumcision and another 

So why keep the foreskin? What does it do?

But if you're too lazy to read that in a nutshell It contains oh...about 20,000 nerve endings. It protects the tip of the penis. It lubricates with an all natural antimicrobial antibacterial "smegma". Handy during sex, or for preventing infection. 

So this is bad

but this is ok.

Watch this video. It is a tame one. The others I have seen didn't bother with any numbing agent and the baby passed out from shock though ignorant assholes....I mean, Aunt Ethel will say not to worry he just fell asleep. After all we did give him your pinky finger covered in wine to numb him. 

 If you don't it's because you know deep down what a horror this is. A horror you perpetuated on your perfect helpless child. They TIE him down to a board. They put - if you're lucky - a little topical numbing agent (which take quite a while to be effective even topically). Then they use tools reminiscent of the spanish inquisition to remove a perfectly good and healthy part of your child's body while he screams so hard he turns red, shakes all over and passes out. 

There! that was it! That feeling you just had that made you want to cross your legs. That face of discomfort and disgust. But hey - its a baby. They won't remember right? WRONG again!

But I'm not a psychologist so here:

psychologytoday.com

and here

http://www.cirp.org/library/psych/goldman1/

and here

http://www.doctorsopposingcircumcision.org/DOC/statement06.html

There are so so so many more links and studies. But I am done for today. And really, any Jewish girl can tell you - Jewish boys remember. Oh boy do they remember.  


Don't try this at home. I'm allowed. I have the Jew card.

This tradition is just that, a tradition. One that needs to fall into the fog of history with other things we look back on with embarrassment like foot binding, thalidomide, child labor, and prepubescent brides. Be educated. Protect the penises. Don't be an asshole.

wikipedia article on Brit Milah

one version of one mention of it in the torah you will notice three things. 1) god repeats himself a lot....kind of like talking to a toddler, 2) the word circumcision sticks out like a sore thumb being invented 2000 years or so after the torah was written and 3) we are instructed to circumcise our sons in the same sentence that we are told to circumcise the other humans we bought.

Yes, it does make the penis less sensitive study

History of Circumcision Slide Show....I shit you not.

Everything you ever wanted to know about your penis

YouTube video

Jewish Circumcision organization

Jews Against Circumcision check out the section under the "Jewish" tab.

Beyond the Bris Jewish organization with many wonderful pieces written by families and rabbis faced with this issue.

NoCirc.org

I NEED people to VALIDATE my CHOICES as a parent!

That title is not about me.

I don't give a shit what you think about my parenting choices. (well, thats a work in progress really but thats what I aim for and I'm doing pretty well)

A couple of friends who I love and admire and have lovely children have apparently been upset by this article. I appreciated the British Nanny's perspective because to me it was even handed and reasonable. Their upset was shared by a mother who wrote a response to the Nanny article. In my opinion the author is 1) totally missing the point, 2) inventing new ones that were never intended and then 3) blowing them out of proportion. An awesome combination!

Poofskichuuaooooooor!!!!

The author makes a great deal of assumptions and is nitpicking the original article to make it sound ridiculous. Which of course she would do because it helps her sound reasonable. 

And she doesn't. 

She sounds like 50 other other articles written by mothers who have made keeping little Susie or Johnny "happy" their main goal in life and does everything in their power to make sure nothing ever upsets them. I am highly emotionally connected to my children and them to me. It doesn't mean I let them walk all over me. You think you're children don't? Well since you're so interested in having your parenting publicly validated allow me...as one of the public...to tell you - they are!

The original nanny article expounded on five points which the irritated mom article found fault and drew extreme conclusions from.

• We are afraid of our kids
• We've lowered the bar for their behavior
• We've lost the village of people who could keep them in check
• We rely too much on shortcuts
• We put kid's needs in front of our own

How many people do you know who are raising little terrorists. Little dictators. Yes the onesie was cute. Its not so cute anymore. We do expect less of children. Think about in times past when children worked at 6 years old. Were taught to hunt or farm or make bullet casings (thanks Shindler's List). I'm NOT saying those were good times or that we should revisit them. I'm pointing it out because that is what children are capable of. And you're telling me that if you yell or say NO or "BECAUSE I SAID SO" at little Johnny because he feels strongly that he NEEDS ALL OF THE STRAWBERRIES RIGHT NOW that you are causing life long damage and perpetuating the creation of a cruel horrible world? If you think my analogy is ridiculous and extreme understand that that is how ridiculous the mom author's analogies are to me.

I'm tired of parents parenting to heal their own wounds! It was 30 years ago! get over it! You won't make that same mistake - rest assured - you'll find new and better ways to fuck up your kids! In fact our generation is a walking study of how outside influences cannot "make" us happy. We were raised by the most selfish self-serving generation - ever (though I have not spoken with anyone responsible for the downfall of the roman empire I'm pretty sure it started with hippies too). If they couldn't make us be happy, no one can.

For the sake of argument and to continue with both authors obvious favorite (and silly) metaphor - I let my toddlers pick their own sippy cups and now at nearly 6 and 8 they still go into hysterics when they don't get the one they want. They did't gradually learn to manage their feelings they learned they can get what they want if they parrot back the words I said to them. (I've been present while so many kids do this to their parents and their parents fall for it every fucking time and think their kid gets it. Sure, he gets it. He gets to play you sucker!)

Notice I didn't say my kids "get what they want if they throw a tantrum", because in my house that gets you nothing but time to calm down and then have a talk. If that doesn't work you get angry mommy and time staring at the wall while mommy calms down. The talk is NOT about why they wanted the thing they wanted or how it made them feel to be denied the thing they wanted or how it made mommy feel when they screamed and cried.  

Yes children are sponges but they are also resilient and stronger than we think. 2yos cannot understand sympathy. You can't reason with them. They don't understand respect or boundaries. Even if you model it for them 1000 times. They may copy but they don't understand.

We've instituted the old camp special "you get what you get and you don't get upset". They get choice where I can offer it and no choice when it suits my needs as a parent and that is just the way it is....kind of like real life. Sometimes there is choice and sometimes those shoes only come in black. No amount of crying, wishing, patience, or non-violent communication skills will make them come in red. 

Theres no place like happy hour. 

I am gentle and permissive where I can be and stern and strict where I must be. My line for where that is is of course going to be different than everyone else's but (and this is key) the combination of parent/kid/parenting style is why I CAN go to public places without meltdowns. I CAN eat out with my kids without tantrums or iPads. Its not because I've got "amazing kids" (although I do happen to have amazing kids) or because I have some mystical parenting magic. I just parent by one rule...

Don't be an asshole! 

That goes for them and me. If you're going to persist in acting like an asshole then I am going to come down on you like a ton of bricks because that shit is NOT ok. Millions of children before you learned that at 4 or 5 or 6 and so can you.

Fly my darlings, be creative, and brilliant, and wonder at the world, and love all the creatures in it....just don't be an asshole! What I have experienced a whole lot from families who parent similarly to this author is a lot of little assholes. I am fearful of a future where my children, as adults, are surrounded by a generation that feels entitled to that (insert adult version of a sippy cup here). They will try to walk all over my children - who I am trying to raise to be fair and equitable for the benefit of all (because thats easy to explain) But how can that compete with children who are being raised to believe that their momentary desires are of paramount importance. That their feelings trump facts. That they're "special". (Sorry Susie, we're all special). 

And before any of my friends who may read this think I"m talking about about them and their precious angels and get their panties in a bunch know this: I am.

Nah I"m just kidding. I have a tendency to not keep my thoughts to myself so you'd know if I felt this way about your kids by our lack of....hanging out with your kids - ever. 

Seriously people. All this back and forth mommy wars stuff is like high school.

Your desperate need to for public validation is proof that you are afraid you're doing something wrong. If you were sure of yourself you wouldn't constantly seek agreement from others or continue to get in such an uproar any time someone puts forth an idea that is different from yours. Stop it! If you're so certain you're doing the right thing stop trying to prove its the right thing! Own that shit!

If you still need validation I'm pretty sure I've got a trophy for participation around here somewhere.

Backwards Feminism, Misguided Parenting, and How to Train Your Dragon 2, a rant in 2 parts

I swear it will all make sense by the end…

A few weeks ago I read this article…

http://thedissolve.com/features/exposition/618-were-losing-all-our-strong-female-characters-to-tr/

It got a lot of comments and enough traction to appear on Jezebel.com which is often a crap shoot for actual feminist writing but mostly a bunch of postgrads who want to show off the shnazzy feminatzi buzzwords they learned at their Seven Sisters college.

It talked about how movies are getting better at making strong female characters but then they do jack shit with them. After bitching for a while the article does go on to frame a nice outline for writers/directors etc. to use in the future to have their strong female characters actually “DO” something other than be a trope. Unfortunately no writers or directors are going to read that part because it comes after a great deal of whining on the part of the author. Some of the article focused on How To Train Your Dragon 2 which I was really looking forward to watching with my kids. My daughter is obsessed and has been gobbling up the books non stop for months and sleeps with a stuffed Toothless toy.

doesn't he look all soft and cuddly

 Once I read the article I was really bummed. It talks about how they introduce Hiccup’s (the young male protagonist) mother Valka - A strong complex and pretty badass female character. 

The article then complains about how she doesn’t do anything once the male characters are done using her to further their own plot lines. This made me sad and uninterested in seeing the film.

SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS 

Well, we just saw it.

It was fantastic.

Fantastic in a way that sequels rarely manage.

Whats more is that Valka was fucking awesome. She is strong, smart, independent, and has been living as a lone human among a hoard of friendly dragons including a behemoth Alpha dragon, for 20 years. Learning about them and protecting them.

Valka in her intimidating kickass homemade armor riding her gigantic fucking dragon.  Honestly when we meet her in this getup she is scarier than the movie's real villain.

Valka having a tender moment and connecting with her son Hiccup

Do strong female characters often exist to further the plot lines of the male protagonist? - Yes. Do some women with overly strong senses of self righteousness and a deep misunderstanding of “feminism” get their panties in a bunch over nothing? - Yes

Newsflash - This wasn’t Valka’s story! She did, like every one else in the story male, female and dragon alike, serve to further the main character’s story. 

Part of Hiccup’s story has always been his belief that he couldn’t live up to the expectations of his large gregarious beloved clan chief father. He felt he didn’t fit in with his clan. Without those beliefs he wouldn’t have set out onto the path that led him to become the person he never thought he’d be. In How To Train Your Dragon 2 Hiccup meets his mother who is basically the dragon whisperer. It fills in all the back story of where she's been - living with dragons, why she left - because she disdained her tribe’s ongoing war with dragons and fought to protect them which allowed infant Hiccup to nearly accidentally be injured and so she stayed away to protect him as well. It makes Hiccup whole to find out that he is not a freak, that his desire for peace and his rapport with dragons are not a fluke. They are traits he inherited from his mother and I say again - she is awesome. She doesn’t wallow in guilt over the life she could have had. She is (re)wooed by her husband and plans to return to Berk (their island home) with him and be a family again. The femi-nazis complain that she gave up what is essentially her “career” and all the things that made her awesome to go be a lowly wife and mother and they call it misogyny. How do they not see that by viewing her choice to be a wife and mother (AS WELL AS A FUCKING DRAGON TAMER ) as being beneath what she was THEY ARE THE ONES BEING MISOGYNISTS! The WHOLE FUCKING POINT OF FEMINISM IS CHOICE!

Then Then - oh then, when I went to look up the original article I sited above I came across a few others written about how HTTYD2’s box office earnings were very disappointing and how they believe it is because parents are upset by the movie. Why are parents upset by the movie? Its making their poor tender little flowers cry.

SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS

Hiccup's father, Stoic, dies protecting Hiccup at the hand (er…electric fireball) of Hiccup’s dragon, Toothless, who is under some kind of dragon mind control. 

Just like so many ridiculous things we are raising our kids with that are basically pussifying them like trophies for everyone, not keep score, etc. Having hero’s journey stories without the hero actually having to sacrifice anything are completely pointless. But thats how we like it in America isn’t it? Reward without sacrifice. Hell, reward without any work or thought at all.

Anyway, it wasn’t Toothless’s fault. It even takes Hiccup a little while to remember that. His mother quickly and gently reminds him of that even as she is mourning the loss of her husband…who she just got back after 20 years. 

The loss of his father is what FINALLY propels Hiccup into adulthood and accepting the weight of chieftain. 

Now maybe the company responsible for marketing this movie made the mistake. The characters are 5 years older than they were in the original, they’re around 20. It is not a little kid’s story the way the first one was. It is a coming of age story. 

How many stories and movies have we all experienced where a parent, companion, or guide dies thus creating the path the protagonist takes. There is so much psychology and Joseph Campbell stuff here but I’m not writing about it go look it up. Point being - we’re all fine! Better than fine. Who would we be if we never reached the age of becoming disenchanted with our parents/guides/teachers? That point at which we realized they too are human and flawed but still wonderful. Kids don’t have that language. Their developmental equivalent is Bambi’s mom dying! That is what they understand. If you survived Artax and Mufasa your kid can deal with this. 

Why do people think that preventing their children from ever being upset is a good thing? Is being a good parent? How do you expect to grow as a person unless you come up against challenges and upsetting things and then learn to overcome or move past them? It makes no sense for a character and it makes no sense for your child. No one would listen to a story like that. Your children are stronger and more resilient than you think.

Thats Atreyu crying because your kid's life is so dull.

Grapefruits or Methadone

I often try to think of other things I can cut out of my diet to make me more healthy. I could easily just add exercise and I wouldn't have to cut anything but of course I HATE exercising. Every nutritionist type person always has a different idea of what I need to do and all of them sound impossible.

In the last 10 years I have cut out:

Fast food. It now makes me ill to eat it.

95% of the soda I used to drink and now even the %5 that is left is natural soda made with sugar cane and free of dyes and shit.

I've reduced the amount of red meat.

I've greatly reduced the amount of mayo and dressings.

I've traded much of the frozen processed  microwaved veggies I grew up on for fresh. Steamed.

I've started eating: onions, kale, mushrooms, peppers, hummus, squash, olives, and garlic.

I've traded white rice for brown

white potatoes for sweet

white pasta for rice or whole wheat

white bread for whole grain.

and have added Quinoa, millet, couscous, orzo and beans and I don't eat them often anyway and they're certainly not the main part of any meal.

My sandwiches and burgers only get half a bun if any 

I cook with better oils and less oil

I don't use margarine

I don't use artificial sweeteners.

I eat 2 organic eggs nearly every day.

I hardly drink juice

I hardly eat chips or crackers

I cut out almost all milk

I eat yogurt often.

I make entire meals out of salads

dessert out of a grapefruit.

I eat maybe half my bagel at our weekly bagel breakfasts and often eat less than my young children in a day.

Every dinner has veggies

Every meal has protein and so do most snacks.

I hardly ever eat candy.

In all this time and with all these changes I've just gotten fatter and more tired. Moodier and less fertile.

WTF

I am beginning to think the key to fertility is a steady diet of McDonalds, soda, and Meth. Those bitches have no problem getting knocked up.

Grasping at Straws

My sister gave birth two nights ago. 4 minutes into Halloween. I was so happy and then so sad.

Two times have I been pregnant in the last 3 years and both times I lost the baby and my sister had a baby. I am of course not begrudging my sister her healthy children. I am sincerely happy for her and I delight in my niece and surely will in my new nephew. But I am so so sad for myself. What makes is it worse is having people all over say things that make me feel guilty for my sadness. 

I know it is selfish.

I know I already have two children

Thank you Captain Insensitive. 

Yesterday I just could not stop crying. Every moment I had to myself I would start weeping.

This sent me into a frenzy of "I have to DO something! I have to plan something! I have to talk to my doctor and schedule something!" This passive - taking a new pill for six months and seeing what happens - thing is hard. It is very difficult for me to be patient when I have already been waiting for so damn long.

There was some small part of me, the part still grasping at straws trying to understand why I miscarried, trying to find a reason. This part concocted this idea that because I myself am a doula and I am the big sister that I had to be baby free to help my sister through her birth. So at the last minute when things got crazy and events aligned to make it so I could not be at her side, that last straw turned to dust in my hand. 

So I'm coming out of the closet

The mean bitchy mom closet.

SO I posted this 

to my FB today.

TO be honest I saw the "mediocre" moms thing after I clicked on it. I didn't pay much attention to it. I laughed. I passed on the funny to my FB universe.

I've watched a few others in the same vein. The "shit crunchy moms say". The "shit people say to breastfeeding moms". I never took offense to any of it. But I post this one and holy-hellfire-from-hypersensitive-moms. They jumped all over it taking offense and ruining what should have been a "funny" shared amongst likeminded friends.

What I want to say...

What I can't say....

But REEEEEEEEEAAALLY WANT TO SAY is

YES i do believe that my choices are better - If I didn't believe they were the best thing then I would have done something DIFFERENT. SO IF YOU ARE TAKING OFFENSE TO SOMETHING I HAVE DONE IT IS BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT OK WITH THE DECISIONS YOU HAVE MADE.

If you were confident in the choices you have made it wouldn't matter what anyone said or what stupid video they posted to FB!

end of conversation