Geriatric Multiparous

Geriatric Multiparous...

Geriatric multiparous!

Meaning:

OLD WOMAN WHO HAS GIVEN BIRTH BEFORE

"I'm 37 I am not geriatric!" I said to the sonogram technician. "Well you may not be but your eggs are." she replied as if she knew more than me.

"Lady, I'm a doula! And a birth educator. I've had two babies, and 3 miscarriages. I've been through years of fertility treatments and a lifetime of dealing with PCOS. Trust me you know shit-all about my eggs!"

I didn't actually say that last part. Thats not the sort of thing you say to a woman wielding an internal sonogram wand in your general direction.

That wasn't important. What was important was that I peed on a stick and it said I was pregnant. After years of peeing on sticks and in cups and occasionally all over my hand with nothing to show for it I peed on a stick and it said I was pregnant....with my lover's baby.

I'd gotten to this point before only to find out there was no heartbeat.
I'd seen a heartbeat before only to find out a few weeks later that the baby had perished.

Please great mother let me see that little flutter...

I'm broke, going through a divorce, and have no way to support myself let alone a baby on my own.

Please great mother don't let this happen now...

I didn't even know what to wish for.

Me...who has spent years, and thousands of dollars, trying to have a baby. ME, who has made every birthday wish, every prayer, every visualization, every spell, for a healthy child. I didn't know what to wish for.

But there it was on the screen. A little flutter.